Fair fighting rules.

Watch the full video here.

The problem isn’t anger, arguing or fighting. The problem is how you are angry, arguing or fighting.

Couples who are struggling with toxic arguments often have a number of harmful habits. They might yell, use personal attacks, stonewall, fail to express their feelings with words, or one of many other pitfalls. These behaviors can turn benign disagreements into heated arguments.

The Fair Fighting Rules handout describes the "rules of engagement" when it comes to disagreements. Instead of telling us we can't argue, fair fighting rules tell us how to do it safely and productively.

Learn boundaries, warning signs, and techniques for handling disagreements. We suggest accompanying this handout with a therapy session or a discussion of which techniques will be most helpful for you specifically as a couple.

Use the handout below with a partner, by yourself for personal self-reflection, or as a journal prompt by writing out which rules have been most challenging for you in the past, and what steps you want to take to improve future arguments.