10 common life values.
The list below is modified from Yates & Prescott’s “Building a Better Life” workbook (2011).
My first introduction to the list was in 2015, working with adult sex offenders who were mandated by the state of Georgia to complete group therapy.
The workbook goes much further in depth than this blog will, but I am sharing a small portion of it with you, because after continuing on with therapy more than six years after leaving the sex offender’s group, I’ve learned that we all can benefit from better understanding the common life goals most important to us, myself included.
Instructions
Read the list of common life values/goals. On a scale of 0-10, give a rating to each of the ten common life goals listed.
Identify your top 3 personal life goals/values.
Notice whether your top priorities have changed from the time you were a youth. Why or why not?
Ask yourself how you have recently been meeting your top three life goals. Note whether your methods have been healthy/unhealthy.
Acknowledge whether you are facing any of the problems listed below when trying to meet your top life goals.
Explore creative and realistic solutions for each problem you identified.
10 Common Life Values/Goals
Life (Living and Surviving)
This goal is important to people who think about or spend time being healthy or making sure they are able to meet their basic needs.
Healthy ways to meet this goal: Exercise, healthy eating, taking medications, surviving the world, staying alive and safe, having everything needed to live.
Unhealthy ways to meet this goal: Spending time looking out for threats to well-being and safety; being hostile towards others seen as threatening.
Knowledge (Learning and Knowing)
This goal is important to people who think about or spend time seeking knowledge or information.
Healthy ways to meet this goal: going to school, completing training, taking courses, being a lifelong learner.
Unhealthy ways to meet this goal: spending time learning from conspiracy theories, teaching children about sex, using negative news sources as your only source of information.
Being Good (at Work and Play)
This goal is important to people who think about or spend time trying to be good at work or leisure activities.
Healthy ways to meet this goal: Being good at sports or hobbies, being good at a job, getting education or training to become better at a job.
Unhealthy ways to meet this goal: Being good at gang life, being a “good” liar.
Independence (Personal Choice and Autonomy)
This goal is important to people who think about or spend time being independent and making their own way in life.
Healthy ways to meet this goal: Valuing personal choice in most situations, making plans to meet a goal, being assertive.
Unhealthy ways to meet this goal: Controlling, dominating or abusing others, feeling the world is a dangerous place and you have to “get” others before they get you.
Peace (of Mind)
This goal is important to people who think about or spend time being trying to be calm and relaxed or trying to reduce stress and its effects in their lives.
Healthy ways to meet this goal: Trying to reduce emotional distress or stress, exercising or meditating to relax or stay calm, trying not to be impulsive or angry.
Unhealthy ways to meet this goal: Using alcohol, drugs, medication, or sex to relax or cope with emotions.
Relationships (& Friendships)
This goal is important to people who think about or spend time with family, friends, or romantic partners.
Healthy ways to meet this goal: spending time with family, friends, or a partner; wanting or having an intimate/sexual relationship; supporting family, friends, or a partner.
Unhealthy ways to meet this goal: Being a member of a gang or catfishing others on social media.
Community (Being a part of a group, collective, society, family, nation)
This goal is important to people who think about or spend time being a part of a specific group of people.
Healthy ways to meet this goal: Being or wanting to be a part of a group with those that have things in common, such as a Lion’s Club or the military; doing volunteer work; being a part of your neighborhood; feeling that a group is important.
Unhealthy ways to meet this goal: Being a member of a cult, a player’s club, a man/boy love club, a gang, or hate group.
Spirituality (Having Meaning in Life)
This goal is important to people who think about or spend time looking for a purpose or meaning in life.
Healthy ways to meet this goal: Participating in religious or spiritual activities (i.e. church; sweat lodge; retreats; etc.), meditation, praying, reading or studying spiritual materials (i.e. the Bible, daily devotionals, etc.)
Unhealthy ways to meet this goal: Spending time fearful of death; focusing on pain, suffering and hopelessness; thinking and feeling the world’s problems are too big for one person to make a meaningful difference.
Happiness (& Pleasure)
This goal is important to people who think about or spend time wanting to be content or happy, or to experience pleasure.
Healthy ways to meet this goal: Doing things that give you a sense of satisfaction or fulfillment; doing things that give you a sense of pleasure (i.e. dancing, sex, laughing, etc.); doing things to get a sense of purpose or direction in life (i.e. work, friendships, family, etc.).
Unhealthy ways to meet this goal: Pleasurable but harmful activities, such as cheating on your girlfriend, or skirting responsibilities as a husband and father; pleasurable but illegal activities, such as drag racing on the highway, drug use, or sexual abuse.
Creativity (Creating and Appreciating)
This goal is important to people who think about or spend time creating or trying new things or looking for excitement.
Healthy ways to meet this goal: Trying new things they have not done before; painting, building things, drawing, baking, etc.
Unhealthy ways to meet this goal: Trying newer types of drugs, sex, or nightlife venues that end up in abuse, illegal behavior or deceptive relationships and “situation-ships.”
Name 3 things you do to meet your top three goals.
List things that work, that don't work, things that get you into trouble or lead to more shallow, unhealthy living, or damaged integrity. Think about what you have been doing recently to meet these goals (the past 6 months or so).
Problems Meeting Goals
Means | Scope | Conflict | Skills | Opportunities
Notice if any of the ways you try to meet your top three goals run into one of these five problems:
Means
This problem is about the ways people try to meet their goals- what they actually do that doesn't work or causes problems.
Scope
This problem happens when people don't have enough goals in their lives- when they rely only on one or two things to make them happy or allow them to feel good.
Conflict
This problem happens when people's different goals in life don't match up, or when meeting one goal means they can't meet another goal.
Skills
This problem happens when people don't have the skills or strategies to do what they want in life to meet their goals.
Opportunities
This problem happens when people don't have the opportunities to meet their goals, because external factors prevent them from meeting the goal.
Once you determine what problems challenge your top three life goals, you will gain insight into realistic solutions for each problem identified. I would love for you to tell me how this blog article is helpful for you. Feel free to ask any questions that came up along the way!