How does your relationship handle conflicts?

When it comes to relationships, there are two main types of conflict styles: complementary and symmetrical. Complementary conflict style is when two people take different approaches to problem-solving, whereas symmetrical conflict style is when two people take the same approach. Understanding the difference between these two styles can help adults in relationships better understand their partner and how to better manage conflicts.

Complementary conflict style occurs when one partner is more assertive while the other is more accommodating. The assertive partner is usually the one who takes the lead in problem-solving, while the accommodating partner is more likely to be understanding and try to find common ground. (Think of complementary colors, like blue and yellow. They are different, but they go together, and both are okay with creating a new color together.) This style of conflict resolution can be beneficial since it can help couples navigate disagreements without becoming too heated.

Symmetrical conflict style is when both partners take the same approach when dealing with issues. This can lead to more intense arguments since both partners will be trying to get their way. (Think of a tennis match, where each partner keeps “putting the ball in the other person’s court” waiting for the other partner to change, yield, or get tired and give up.) Symmetrical conflict style can also lead to one partner feeling unheard and unappreciated, which can damage the relationship.

By understanding the differences between complementary and symmetrical conflict styles, we can learn how to better manage conflicts. By taking the time to understand each other’s approach to problem-solving, couples can work together to find a resolution that works for both of them. This can help build stronger and more fulfilling relationships.